So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
