I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
