If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
3 2 1 whiskey
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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