Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
