My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
