Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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