shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
