Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
