Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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