just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
