hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
