You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
