it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
