I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Let's get the cat blown out
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
