It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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