nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
