Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I need to sanitize my soul.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
