i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
