I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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