in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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