you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
