Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
