i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
