i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
