do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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