i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
