Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
don't judge my taste in strippers
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
