Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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