Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
