just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
