Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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