this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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