whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
