My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
