I heard we made out
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
