Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
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