i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
two words: eviction party
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
