Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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