i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
