I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
