Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
