i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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