sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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