I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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