Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cockslap morals
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
