Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
