look no pants
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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