Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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