I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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