yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
