So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
