Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
