I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
