6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
