matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
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