"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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