I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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