Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
