next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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