I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
