hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
It was confusing and full of hummus
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
