He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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