people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
