Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
