Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We left the knife in your bed.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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