walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
