just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
