you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
